Thank you N.
She thought it a bit of a “gay advice”, a “silly childish thing”, and she seemed to forget that gay people are dear to me, and that I appraise readings that are kind of silly, kind of childish.
-“It’s really easy DJ: instead of asking to have a wish granted. Consider it yours already and be grateful for it. Just repeat it over and over throughout the day..Say “I’m grateful for this and that” and detail it… Over and over. And count your blessings while you’re at it. You’ll start noticing the difference.”
I playfully asked her that things would change because I’d change my vision, but would it change the physical reality that I want changed?
She mumbled and I could easily understand her. For I playfully asked her yet wasn’t intending for neither a question, nor an answer. I simply believe in the concept already but I think, that coming up to Bangalore, boiled down to that: rediscovering what I believe in, learning what I learnt, thinking what I thought..
Back in primary school, enjoying writing letters on a little black board and playing with colourful paste.
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Only I am remaining, watching the path of the coriolis storm, reflecting on the surroundings and on myself. Only I remain, waiting to be reborn. I believe it’s over now.
And now, I can learn again, I can try to calm my hunger for life, I can do so many things again. And most importantly, I come out of it bearing the gratitude litanies in my mind, at every moment.
I come out of it and I’ll be okay.
Life is so strong and fragile. And it reminds me of Heathcliff a lot lately. And I can’t stand thinking more than seconds about that little kitten without feeling the urge to grieve.