These days, people often ask me: “What are you intending to do?” , “Where are you heading to?”, “What’s the purpose?”, “Where do you want to be next?”
For all these questions, one answer is more than enough: I want to do Mechanics. I don’t care where, how, when, for how much or in what circumstances I shall serve my queen. All what matters to me is serving her. And may she appear before me in the most bewitching forms, under the most sophiticated fractals, with all the madness of the Buendias strongly depicted in every line, every force, every displacement. Oh my Queen as long as she wears her bewitching dresses, as long as she’s walking somewhere around me, I shall serve her with all my heart, wherever she is and Ah! She’s everywhere.
By now, I can easily picture myself serving Mechanics. Where, how, when for how much are really not in the picture. The only other thing I see apart myself and mechanics are my friends. And if I don’t see them in their physical form, I see them in the sheets of letters I’m grabbing, in the little smile I have while remembering some memory, in ERUTAN’s cover of Dear Friends from Chrono Trigger.
And I shall always remember that 29th of June, always remember it everytime I think of my friends and everytime I listen to ERUTAN. That day, something was sealed within the amphitheater and I needn’t use any word. It’s an unspoken oath between the souls of the friends gathered that day.
Because you know, it takes more than guts to start the morning the wrong way and change it within two or so hours.
When exhausted and tired in the morning of that 29th of June, when I started to lose my smile in the time I needed the most, a friend popped up with breakfast and walked with me while I was doing my last minutes errands. When I was lying down suffering from the drastic lack of sleep, friends came to Illu’s Mihrab and filled the air with their voices and their honest words. Each one taking away some of my burden, each one putting good mood on my face like make up and giving me smiles like water. By the time my presentation was getting close, friends were everywhere, my smile was wide and renewed.
Before the presentation and through the presentation, friends spawned up and brough their sincere encouragements, their banners, their claps, their shoutouts. My friends’ energy was so overwhelming I couldn’t hold watery joy during all the presentation. My friends’ intentions were so dense I could feel them as if they were matter. My friends overlove and affection, my friends’ happiness and pride, my friends hopes, my friends beings, I was facing them and I thought suddenly that Sephiroth could be so jealous of me: I’m having a Reunion he’s dreamed of and yet never truly fulfilled and mine is so much stronger and brighter and so less painful. While speaking, I felt my breath going deeper and I was afraid I could miss a heartbeat from that. The first rank is full of THEM and my family is so attentive and unaware of the emotional hurricane within the walls. Later still, my mother confessed she felt it, she felt something sweetly opressing within this amphitheater .
And when done, the tight snake hug of Leichoune, the bear hug of Smile and Mery, the group hug of the girls, the tiger hug of A., the relaxed happy face of Tijay, the tears of my mother, the throwing in the air, the pictures, the hugs over and over and over again of my friends. And they’re all there, enjoying my food, feeling relieved for me, so freaking happy we’re about to Fight Club it out. And along, the calls and the messages of the dear ones whom intentions were within the amphitheater and whom faith and confidence in me were a source of pride for them and me as well.
My dear people, it’s not like me to ask myself if I deserve something or to not be sure of other people’s affections. It’s not like me either to describe emotions and so and so. I wanted to keep an eternal physical message that would remind me of the feelings I’ve had that 29th of June. I wanted to express my gratitude to my friends and the pride I take in them being part of my life.This is why such an appreciation post came to life. And I-want-every-friend-of-mine-there-and-every-kind-acquaintance-of-mine-to-know-and-to-fully-believe-it-when-I-say-that-this-post-is-adressed-to-you-and-that-I’m-perfectly-able-to-write-one-just-for-you-and-about-you.
My dear people, it’s more like myself to embrace my friends with a stare while strongly intending to honour such affection and attention. I often wonder how some of them see the world as a dark dark place. They should see their faces that 29th of June and realize they’re brightening the place.
My friends are the best people in the world. And now that I picture myself reading a book speaking about my queen, solving equations or drawing any aspect of my queen, I picture myself as well listening to ERUTAN’s Dear Friends while thinking of that 29th of June, while thinking of every friend I noticed with his/her face or the ones whom I perceived the presence within the public.
Writing this post makes me live again that day. I think I have another birthday.